Friend?

i am told that time will help to ease my pain. i find that instead it serves as an excuse to try and forget. as time passes there are little things that fade away in my memory. the worst part is that i fear that same phenomenon is affecting others.

i am growing a deep hatred of time. it is a horrible tease while it plays like your friend. it is a back-stabbing con man waiting for the instant it can hurt you. as a master of all and accountable to no one, we must ask ourselves, "Can we trust time?" i fear the answer is a resounding No. there is not one reason to trust time.

i thought i had time. i thought i was the master of my own time. i flittered it away without a thought. i found reasons to abuse it and neglect it. during this period, while i practiced little regard for time it made to protest. in fact it fed my negligent actions. it gave me more everyday without so much as a warning of the consequeces for my abuse. every moment was a promise for the next. every flittered second was rewarded with another.

then in the blink of an eye, on a monday morning while i tried to fall into my day. time reared its ever so ugly head. this monstrousity i had bred snapped like an angry cornered animal and struck seemingly without reason. what had i done? i only used what was given me. i only did what i thought was acceptable behavior.

time, all extra time, has been taken away from me. now instead of flittering away time i live every moment of it. not to its fullest as so many people fantasize about and talk about. i live the time that never was. i live memories that never took place. i am cursed now to forever see the time that i will never experience. i am the starving beast locked in a cage, never to die, within the butcher shop as the meat is discarded just inches form me. i am the victim of my own ignorance.

i plead now to all those who do not read this, to those who do not hear me, please do not make the same mistake i did. to those who do read this, to those who do hear me i ask please kill me. i can no longer go on like this. waves of sorrow strike me when i least expect it. sadness deeper than space itself tears at my soul ripping it to shreds and never allowing it to heal. the cruelest torment i never thought imaginable has befallen me and i feel it crushing me, constantly.

i am told time heals all wounds. i am hear to tell you, time is instead the creator of all wounds.